A perspective on Faith
I’ve been trying to muster faith for my future, trying to believe that I’m going to be okay in spite of overwhelming odds arrayed against me. Every day, it seems, has brought another level of discouragement; another weakness; something else that I cannot do. It truly seems to take the wind out of me, and yet I have this connection to a hope that will not die.
I assumed I was in denial, because obviously if I truly grasped the severity of my present state, I would have no hope. I guess that is what the enemy of my soul would have me believe; that all is lost, that all is hopeless. I vacillate unsteadily over that precipice on a daily, sometimes hourly frequency. It’s a chasm that is deep and depressing; a pit of despair (to borrow from the Princess Bride) whose darkness is both terrifying and yet beckoning, and from which return is unlikely.
The fallen ones would have me believe I am abandoned and that I share their fate. And while they may be crafty and wily, they are specs of dust in contrast with my God. He is a blazing inferno of wisdom; a stunning force of Love. Eternal is perspective, immovable in mercy, He outshines and dwarfs any fear or anxiety that exists. Am I so wrong to trust His judgments? Am I a fool to believe His Words? No, no and again NO! As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame."
I realized something pretty crucial today
Faith, which is something that I’ve been really struggling with, isn’t blind; it doesn’t look to the future in order to sustain itself. Rather, faith looks to the experiences that are in the past and hope builds on them for the future.
This is a long way of saying that I have a profusion of experiences on which I draw Faith, and hence, a vast history upon which I may, indeed must, build hope.
I admit, it’s incredibly hard to have problems getting dressed and walking – today it took me 45 minutes to eat a bagel…
I guess it’s the cold reality of things like that – they seem to be a real slap in the face in contrast to what I think, or rather what I believe should or could happen with God as my Father.
I echo Jaclyn’s cries for “HOW LONG, oh God, How long?”
I don’t have any answers to any of this, and yet here I am, another day older, and another step further along this journey of life.
More later
Stephen!
I hate to watch this process with you guys, but I agree with you that God is in control, and DOES guard our souls!
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Hey Steve,
It was awesome seeing you yesterday. To see what you are able to accomplish despite the circumstance God has chosen to allow into your life is amazing, and a true testament of the faith God has planted in your life.
Your faith is alive my friend. And any doubt you experience screams of a desire to believe, which in itself, can be an encouraging thought.
One day at a time brother...
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Stephen,it was so very encouraging to read how your faith has been established and sustained by previous experiences of our Lord's faithfulness to you. Your trust in Him is well founded and irrefutable as you have so aptly testified. James 1:2-8 and James 5:10-11 are just a few passages which encourage us to persevere during trials of any kind. James 1:12 is a glorious promise for those who persevere. As believers, we can stand fast in all the promises of God (Numbers 23:19). Praise His wonderful name!!! Let us continue to trust, pray and believe for your complete restoration for which He will receive all the glory due His name!
Blessings to you and Jaclyn...........Diane Macaulay
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Dear Stephen,
This would have to rank nearly lowest among choices of how I would wish to become reaquainted with you after so many years. The Host family has officially been added to my prayer list and heaven has already registered part of my small contribution to the collective bowl full of tears I'm asking Father to dump all over you one day really soon.
My daily spiritual food intake lately has included something not only from scripture, but also some audio trax from Redding, CA. where a magnificent move of the Spirit is beginning to take place. If hearing about regular and repeated healings of all shapes and sizes would be an encouragement, just say the word. I can deliver days worth of mp3's and numerous DVD's from the Healing Rooms conference in Spokane.
(Bill Johnson/Bethel Church have a killer copyright law for their material: if it blesses you, copy it and give it to someone.)
Noteable healings to the nervous system I feel compelled to mention; at a conference in Redding this June I saw the very first healings I've ever seen of Parkinson's Disease. (2 men and 1 woman in the same service.)
I know he can do the same right here. But there is something about a strong "regional" faith or lack thereof that even hindered the minisry that Jesus was able to do in certain cities. And down there, people are getting healed in the grocery stores, and restaurants, (even STARBUCKS!) before they ever make it to the church. They've taught their people that when they see the sick out in public, those people are "fair game".
Once the sick do arrive at the church, they are often healed in their "Pool of Bethesda" beside the 24 hour a day prayer house or by one of the janitors before any of the pastors get to them.
I bless you. You have encouraged me with your words. And, I only hope I can do the same for you.
P.S. A severe back injury I sustained in a car crash in December 1992 was instantly healed after 11 years of pain when in April of '03, Bill Johnson came and visited a "Fresh Fire" conference in Abbotsford. Now, I'm trusting God for the polyps on my vocal chords to dissolve in his Holy presence.
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David, thanks for the encouraging word. We continue to pray for Stephen like a flock of old women (let's not forget that nagging God is a scriptural principle), and I should hope that our little Bible belt here in our area has minimal unbelief. It is hard to know that Stephen isn't going forwards but in reverse, but until God heals, we have to continue to pray, to battle, to travail. Waiting is hard. In the absence of disbelief it's good to know that you don't have to summon some huge amount of faith before healing occurs; indeed healing occurs in occasions where the prayer was more out of doctrinal belief than specific to the situation. I recently breezed thru "90 Minutes in Heaven" which recounts the story of a Baptist pastor who got flattened in a car accident and spent 90 minutes in heaven while his corpse cooled off nicely. Another Baptist (read: non-miracle-believing) fellow was compelled by the Spirit to come to the scene and do some hard core intercession for the dead author of the book, and he came back to life. So if the Baptists can see healings done, anyone can
I believe; I don't understand what this is about, and I might never know, and I'm praying for Stephen and any other unwell individual of whom I hear because God loves and because he loves, he heals. So let's not give up hope!
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