January Update
What a tough entry to write! I’ve been asked ‘how am I doing’ a lot lately. So here goes, the truth of where I’m at.
Physically, it seems as though the last month and a half has been riddled with significant loss of function. Walking is very very difficult. I take a few steps here and there, but I seem to have lost a lot of the muscles around my hips so balance is sketchy at best, dangerous at worst and always painful. The other day I had a bad fall and we laughed as we tried to figure out how to get me back up. I’ve lost most of the strength in both arms as well, and my hands are clumsy and awkward. Talking is getting limited as well – I’ve lost differentiation between the sounds of vowels. So an “a” sounds the same as an “e” or an “i”. Basic sounds like “rrr” or guttural “Kuh” or “Guh” are also gone. At times I feel so much like I’ve been transferred to an alien body where I don’t know how to operate things – very tiring and frustrating. I’m thankful for my computer – without which I would be very isolated right now. I am still able to type relatively well, although nowhere near the speed I used to be.
Eating is getting interesting as well – my diet is much more restricted due in a large part by the significant hazard that choking poses.
Mentally this is exhausting. Because I don’t actually feel any different when I am at rest, the limitations are a constant source of mental concentration – mostly in trying to think of ways around them – for example when I do actually speak I have to think of words that I can say clear enough to be understood. What’s another word for cookie that doesn’t have the sound ‘Kuh’ in it? I came up with ‘small sweets’. I’ve got my order in for a speech synthesis computer but I guess they are in short supply so for now we try to be creative. I’m fortunate in that I’ve got lots of computers and laptops around the house to run to when I need.
Emotionally it’s a roller coaster ride, the scope of which I am often unprepared for. The lows are so low, the highs more intense and the transitions very sudden. I have done some reading as to why that is so, but I am still caught unaware by the shifts. Overall I’ve settled down to a rhythm of being pretty stable. It’s now very evident the role that thoughts play in setting an emotional state (go figure) but I find it hard not to be overwhelmed by the severity of my condition.
Spiritually I would say I’m ok. I’m hanging on to scriptures, prophetic words, past events and encounters and dreams and visions that I’ve had over the years. Perhaps if you are interested I will write about some of the more significant ones? I am still believing God for a miracle, and at times I feel like such a fool for it, but what can I do? Regardless of what happens I’ve seen too much to doubt God’s faithfulness and commitment to me, so I stand on the firm foundation of the crucified and resurrected Christ and put my life wholly in His hands.
So there it is. I’m very tired and need some sleep.
May God richly bless you.
Hi Stephen,
See, you should have learned german."Plätzchen" doesn´t have a K in it.(not that it makes the pronounciation much easier to you, does it? Greetings and hugs to all of you, Mirjam
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Stephen!
Don't feel like a "fool" for praying for healing. I'm "bugging" God about this too. I have no words that fully describe how I feel about what you, Jaclyn, Angela, and Ian are going through. And I find myself, more and more, being reminded of all of the provisions and downright miracles that we've experienced over the years, both in my own life, and in observing your family's journey. You're not a fool to trust God now, and neither am I...so I'm just going to keep "bugging" Him.
Like I said last spring...I really don't want to lose another brother, and you and Jaclyn have been more to me than just family. You've held me up and have been an anwer to prayer for me more than once. Love ya lots and hold on to God. He's holding on to all of us!
Laurie
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Whenever God Closes One Door He Always Opens
Another, Even Though Sometimes It's Hell in the Hallway
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Stephen...I agree with Laurie; you are not a fool to trust our heavenly father; may you bask in His glorious love and trust His divine purposes. I truly believe God is using your life and faith to touch many others, including some whom you do not know. Paul expresses Christ's powerful love for us in Romans 8: 35-39. Our grand-sons received an interesting toy for Christmas; a can of magnets with interesting shapes and sizes. As we played together and experimented in creating new shapes, the strong magnetic attraction between the pieces demonstrated to me that NOTHING is able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. You and your family are ever on our hearts as we continue to bring all of you to the throne of grace each day.
Diane and Bill
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All I really have to add is, I Love You.
I Love You with all my heart, and I'm here for both you and Jaclyn at any given moment.
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Hi Stephen- I am one of those you do not know but I have meet your mom and dad and have certainly been praying for you and your family during your journey. You are an example to me of one who does not just talk the walk but walks the walk.
Our Lord must be as He looks at your life and what you are doing with it. Bless you as you seek His face. I'll be praying.
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hey everyone... quick update on house renovations in case you havent been around.... the bathroom is pretty much complete and actually pretty cool... im quite proud of it... we are drywalling the laundry room and hopefully have it complete very soon... basically its the hallway, one bedroom and front entry that needs to be finished and i think we will be able to leave the dust elsewhere ( jack im sure will be ok with that ) thanks to everyone who has pitched in and to the trades that have helped ( arwit and crew , chris, ron, warren, don, master mason guys, lionel, derek, kevin, lindsey, john , lindsey , richard, and im sure ive missed someone... anyway thanks again...)
steve and jack... this journey has been difficult to comprehend at times... who can understand from a finite perspective the infinite perspective that God has... our journey has limited sight ... and yet God has perfection planned through this .... i see through a vieled lense and choose to embrace the mystery of God's agenda in this journey that you have been given stephen...somehow clinging to God with all that i can... hanging onto His garment...
I do know this... ive been humbled in ways that cant be described as weve experienced this most compelling journey... let me be candid here for a moment... more then anyone, i want healing...complete healing... and i have these moments as i watch a stephen's human body slowly dismantling itself... screaming out at God and saying ... " stop this " " bring the ultimate healing, let stephen go home " ... hurts to even think these thoughts ... but here they are ... they are real... some days i numb out and cry... speaking of screaming and yelling in the direction of God... Jack and i have an idea for an allout (this could be very explitive session, no minors allowed or those who are offended easily ) prayer time... No holds barred... if you are game call myself or jack... we're nit into polite anymore ... and we think God can handle our crassness... ( we need to have a all out vent session )
anyway ... enuf of my ramblings for now
love you stephen ,jack , ian and angela
alvin
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Yo, Alvin,
(I won't call you by your other name, not on the website, haha)
Thank you so much for standing with Stephen and me on Sunday as we shared our story, your friendship has meant more to us than we could ever have imagined.
"...and when you have done all of those other things, to stand."
Where the heck was that scripture? It really stood out to me on Sunday.
So here we stand!
We've done all of those other things, the warfare and the prayer and the crying out to God - and yes, truthfully, the swearing...
but I must admit that when I think about it I am not at all comfortable with a "all out, no holds barred, no minors allowed prayer session"... and while it seems that we do need to vent at times, and maybe sometimes us Christians are way too polite, deep down in my heart I cannot help feeling that a corporate gathering is meant for worship, not the other thing.
So here I stand! And wait for God to act! I am at peace at the moment! God is here!
I think I'm done swearing!
I hope!
I really prefer the peace!
Anyhow, here's to you, you've been an amazing friend,
blessings,
Jack
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I walk this journey with you in prayer, humbly. I don't come close to understanding the difficulties you and your family are going through, but faithfully I think about and pray for you all, daily. Recently the Lord revealed to me that I should be praying specifically for God's Kingdom to come in the situations I pray for. I don't know completely what all that means...I do know that there is healing in his Kingdom and many other miracles. He does tell us that he cares intimately for us, even down to the numbers of hairs upon our heads. I believe and trust he has a plan. I stand with you and all your family and friends in hopeful expectation of his healing and the witness of his Kingdom. It is an honor to do so.
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Hey Stephen. I was visiting with Eric Funk a few days ago and he told me what is happening with you guys(I had no idea). I had to lead worship the next morning after reading all your posts here on the site. It was very difficult for me to continue that morning but God helped me. I am going to be very much in His face about this. I want to see you healed and restored. I don't have the courage you have, but I am going to stand with you and the family and all the rest who are pounding on heaven's door until there is an answer and I will keep checking this site for updates too.
God bless you and Jac and the kids with continued strength and some kind of peace and some kind of rest in all of this.
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Hey dude -- mom told me about a guy (Todd Bentley) in Abby who holds prayer services last Friday night of every month in Abby at Global Harvest church on McAllum Road. He's got an article
(http://www.freshfire.ca/index.php?Act=read&status=teaching&Id=73)
about healing, and friends of my parents have done missions work with him and he seems on the up-and-up. In the meantime, stay in the word and continue to believe. And we can meet again any time, and we should even before that service. Here's the service info:
http://www.freshfire.ca/index.php?Act=show_event_details#
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Dear ones.....
just wanted to reassure you that the thoughts and prayers of the Dunach staff are with you as you trek through this valley. We are honored to watch over your wee ones during the day - they are precious and such an integral part of our school.
Laura
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