Heaven or Health
This may be my final blog entry; not to be overly melodramatic, but I had a run in with some pesky muscles that just decided yesterday to not work anymore. Whatever fluids I was still able to choke down, seemed to have a particular affinity for my esophagus, which makes things interesting for I have limited lung capacity to call upon to eject these fluids up and over to the appropriate down pipe. So that generally means a couple hours of barely breathing (more like gasping for air )and since it was taking 35 to 45 minutes to toss back said cup, and I was trying to drink something every 3 hours. Anyway ,said muscles have refused to come back online.
What is odd about the timing is that last week when I was being a bit more of a whining so and so, I asked God when are you going to do something about my situation” And clear as a fart in a prayer time on old fashioned pews I heard “Tuesday” echoing through the cathedral of my mind. I asked , like … this Tuesday or something in the future … so I was eagerly awaiting some pretty significant progress or something … well I guess it was the last day I drank and the ball is pretty much where it has been all along; right with my loving Eternal Father and I make my claims to Sonship through the most extravagant of all gifts ever offered; Jesus, I am still “all-in” no matter the outcome, I’m in.
Please hug all my prayer angels who stand up for me and plead on my behalf. These next few days are indeed the, most pregnant of all.
I remain in His loving gaze
Stephen
Like everyone else who has struggled to say something meaningful or insightful or encouraging, I sit here grasping and yet desperate to find words ... Perhaps there are none on this side of heaven that will ever hit the mark. I sense the deep, resonant "well done" from the Father and am anxious for you to audibly hear it and to feel His strong embrace. Maybe you have heard it and felt His touch over these agonizing days and months - my prayer this morning is that you are totally enveloped in His presence and His peace. You are so loved.
Whether this is a good-bye or one more message to accompany you on the way to a miracle healing is, as it always has been, up to God. I will continue to pray for you, but would be regretful if I hadn't reminded you that you have been a gift to Kevin and I. We are so thankful for your friendship and for how you have spurred us along in our journey.
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We continue to stand in prayer with you Stephen; thanks for your courage and faith as you model Paul's truism "for me to live is Christ and to die is gain..."
You are forever in our thoughts.
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My friend.... you have fought the good fight.... I'm most proud to be your friend and brother.... I salute you to a life well lived.... I tell you what... meet me at the fishing hole on your new saiboat.... Im going out with Fred on "the Amber" ...and we will catch that big fish that got away...
Alvin
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Stripped of all superfluous words..mystic incantations...magic potions... prophetic insight... or religiously correct professions of faith I stand, beating my chest, crying out:
"Have Mercy..inscrutable Father!"
I am all in beloved brother!
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Hi Stephen, I just wanted to tell you a dream, I had three days ago. You and me were on a boat, when it sank. You couldn´t move or talk, but wore a life west. So you drifted in the water with your head up high and I tried to pull you to a beach, which was out of sight. When I looked back, expecting fear in your eyes, your eyes were smiling and you really enjoyed yourself, as if the situation and surrounding reminded you of a gourgeous sailing tour. You looked so happy, that it wasn´t a bad dream at all. (Funny thing, that Tammy also dreamed of you on a boat...) For me it was another proof of your trust and your ability to see the good even in frightening things. Mirjam
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Oh, my fault, Tammy saw you also in water. That´s even more similiar...
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praying for you..... Psalm 63:1-8
Psalm 63
A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah.
1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.
2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.
3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.
9
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Thank You for letting us worship and groove with you on Thursday. May God's perfect peace surround you.
A poem for you Steve.
Holy Splendor
Early in the morning before the dawn breaks forth
I sit silently in the quiet of the night.
Waiting my minds eye looks to meet with you. Spirit to spirit. Deep unto deep.
In the stillness...
The hush you make no sound.
Unforeseen you come to me (Stephen) in an unexpected way.
A bolt of blue, your glory surrounds me.
I see your beauty twilight shades of sapphire.
Your peace enfolds my very being.
How grateful is my heart
Amazed I look up and gaze...
A silhouette of a cross rests upon my ceiling.
Teresa Petkau
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Thank you Stephen for giving me (us)an opportunity to learn from your experience - “Your Perspective” – during what has to be the most difficult part of your life journey here on earth.
Could I share my thoughts and observations - “My Perspective” – from reading your entries and since meeting you in January of 2005? . . .
Although this disease has robbed you of so much, with the passing of time your commitment to be strong, honest, and open only seemed to grow. And despite facing the insurmountable challenges of this horrible illness, you have risen above what I could ever imagine a human being could, given the tremendous physical and emotional challenges you face every moment of the day. It is truly humbling to say the least.
I am blessed to have met you, to be given this insight into ALS and how it has impacted your life - all possible because of your incredible gift of articulating your situation and thoughts . . .
Thank you for allowing me, a stranger really, the ability to enter into your very private world and bare witness to your life at its most vulnerable hours . . . You have affected my life in ways you will never know . . .
With prayers that only love, comfort, peace and serenity surround you!
Carmen Maretic
P.S. To your loved ones (family and friends): You must be incredibly proud of Stephen and his amazing strength and courage. It is a reflection of those who have given him unconditional love and support. You are also in my thoughts and prayers.
P.S.S. Look Stephen – My words on your blog - Finally!
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It has been my hope that in sharing a few moments with you, heartbroken, crying out to God, that we could move heaven. Watching such an insidious disease run its course causes me to scream out 'Jesus, help us!' We commit to loving you and your family, believing that God can heal you, or even bring you back after a brief preview of heaven, or in praying and being here for your family should God detain you indefinitely, an action I would resent
Jesus, my prayer as ever, is that you would pass by us, and as you see my brother Stephen, be filled with compassion and raise him from his bed, and restore him to full health. We have chewed up many a roof to put him in your face, because we believe in your love, and we believe in your power. Do this so that the world will know that you are God, and as a sign of your kingdom among us, that you would be glorified! Amen.Reply to this
If this is goodbye, wonder boy – thank you for the moments. Perhaps it has been difficult for you to understand my choice of words and intentions. It has been complicated to picture myself due to my somewhat ‘here and now’ personality and on top of that my active English is much poorer than what I comprehend passively. You though have brought me perspectives on life I keep as treasures. I simply like you. Your integrity and courage makes you an attractive man. I replicate my love for you in life or in death, Stephen.
I guess a farewell to your kids must be the hardest of all. Trust them to possess great strength just like their dad.
Always
Charlotte
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WOW those words just touched me
you are the father of one of my best friends and i can only imagine what you and your family have gone through and if you never get to read this well this is good bye! you were always so fut to hang out with. remember when Angela and fam went to GERMANY for half the summer so came and hung out with you you took me swimming at your clients pool. you helped me and angela do backflips when we didn't know how.(i learn't and can now do it) you were a second dad and i can't ever decribe how much fun we had together. when you gave us a sugar filled snack pack for our sleepover in the tree house. wow all these memories come back to me with a flood of tears.
so this is thanks for all the good times.
in love
Karina
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Stephen is HOME! I had hoped to climb up on his bed and give him another BIG sister hug, but it's OK cause we'll walk and talk together when I get to heaven... and I look forward to seeing the twinkle in his eyes... I will PRAY for you all, as you go through this next part of the journey. I'll be checking in to see when you will have Stephen's Memorial.... \o/ Gail
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