Psalm 40
God is good
The Standard

Just for laughs

So, you know how much time I have to think about life’s little quirks eh? Well, it turns out that I actually have a couple thoughts about things.

I remember it was early spring and I was sitting quietly out on my back patio looking up at the barren branches of the poplars out back thinking to myself “I wonder if I will live to see the leaves of summer.” How far away that seems! In reality it is a whole life ago. Back then I would never have thought I would still be around in a state of illness ...
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Posted by Stephen Host at 11/28/2007 4:07 AM | View Comments (7) | Add Comment

Quick update

So, for the last few days the blog was down due to a D'Arsay transformation program that caused a temporal feedback loop in the spam gigabits which in turn crashed the motherboard on the warp field coils causing a cascading failure of the firewalls and DNS servers. Fortunately the folks down at the Internet were able to correlate with the antivirus people and get it all sorted out .

Just thought you should know that I didn't die or anything like that.

Stephen
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Posted by Stephen Host at 11/19/2007 8:55 PM | View Comments (4) | Add Comment

November 9th

Thank you for following along with my little journey.
Hard to believe it’s been just under a year since the diagnosis eh?
I am pretty much done with the whole process. It doesn’t seem to be looking like the healing is going to happen, does it? I have been getting the “well, at least you know that you’re going to a better place” comments and emails along with the “I think God is just waiting until you do the thing that you’re not” line of reasoning. Well, it’s been fun and thanks for your prayers and comments.

For the record, ...
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Posted by Stephen Host at 11/9/2007 2:49 AM | View Comments (8) | Add Comment

my request

I am calling on all fighters, people of faith and courage. The time to stand is now; at the bleakest hour, and the opportunity remains the same. It is always possible for God; has always been impossible for me.

 

I am able to swallow again after about a 24 hour lapse; I thought it was really the start of the final phase; but I must tell you that I had a confirmation of such magnitude that the fire has been rekindled in my spirit. I want to see the impossible become reality; be a witness to our God’s ...
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Posted by Stephen Host at 10/13/2007 12:41 PM | View Comments (8) | Add Comment

My hourglass

At some point it has to end; either in a miraculous recovery or a final blow to this battered frame in which I find myself trapped. Mentally as alert as ever, my existence is that of an hourglass, knowing the time is short, and yet watching helplessly as the sand falls, grain by grain from a reservoir that seemed so full so recently, but which now, appears to be just at the last little rush before it drains.

Today, as has occurred on various other occasions, I was unable to swallow; in fact as I write this, I am ...
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Posted by Stephen Host at 10/11/2007 12:41 AM | View Comments (3) | Add Comment

My year

I have been thinking about the last 12 months; considering the vast changes that have become the markers along the way. In many ways it feels like so long ago that it’s almost shocking to consider that it isn’t even a year since my diagnosis.

Last year in August we were in desolation sound experiencing the true beauty of this incredibly diverse landscape. September we went sailing again with the Epp clan and Alvin failed to get the net around the largest fish I have ever fought to land. Me and Ian got to run along the banks of the ...
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Posted by Stephen Host at 10/2/2007 7:02 PM | View Comments (5) | Add Comment

A Moment

This place, this island; it has been so significant to me in the last few years. It was like a coming of age, being here for the first time as the captain of the very vessel on which I now sit. I am sitting alone on the aft deck in the setting sun, drinking in the multitude of sensations that are washing over me. The cloudless blue of the sky is unbroken except at its feet by a tapestry of greens and browns, the endless variations of Douglas Fir and tangled Arbutus reaching skyward with outstretched hands soaking<< MORE >>
Posted by Stephen Host at 9/12/2007 2:05 PM | View Comments (7) | Add Comment

The view from the valley

A reference to the 23rd Psalm

Perhaps it was the discussion about moving me to a hospice, or the information about what it’s like to die of starvation. I don’t really know what triggered it but suddenly there it was. Standing face to face with my imminent departure from this world brought a heady dose of anticipation mixed with terrible sadness. From here the mountains look formidable and unmovable. I find myself unable to move them; death trumpets its victory despite my best efforts to hold on to the threads of faith in the coming healing. Everything I have heard ...
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Posted by Stephen Host at 9/8/2007 12:23 AM | View Comments (10) | Add Comment

The Truth of my beliefs

Last January I had the privilege of accompanying my sister to Florida for a week. Amber is a wonderful woman who has had a very rich experience as a successful model and this simple hick got to accompany her to a photo shoot in Miami. We took a few extra days and drove our rented convertible down to Key West where we just hung out and had fun. I went scuba diving for the first time in the emerald green waters of the south that have beckoned my heart to return since our sailing trip to the Bahamas almost 30 ...<< MORE >>

Posted by Stephen Host at 7/18/2007 11:02 PM | View Comments (6) | Add Comment

What about being simple

A lot has changed in my world and I think of both the changes as well as the implications with a curious mixture of despair and emotional detachment. Sometimes I wonder if I am still sitting at phase one of the grief process, a river in Egypt namely denial (or as Jaclyn’s sister says “De Jordan“ but I don't know. One thing is certain; I was definitely not prepared for the changes that have come out of this season.
 
Maybe that's a better way to live, being blithely unaware of what is to come, seizing the opportunities, living in the ...<< MORE >>

Posted by Stephen Host at 7/9/2007 11:38 PM | Add Comment
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